Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
