More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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