I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
