i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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