By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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