I cannot find my penis.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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