I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
