haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
