I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
