I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
