I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
