I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
True strength comes from lack of pants
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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