I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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