Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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