I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
