11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
