i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
