and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
