Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
