I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
