he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She told me I should be a condom model.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
