drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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