Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how can u be prego again
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
