I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
