I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
