im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
