Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.