when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week