Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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