she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.