My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up