He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
