I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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