hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
