escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
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Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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