I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
