OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
