Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You have to summon your inner elephant
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize