Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
