Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
