I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
