I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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