i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There r osticjed everywhere
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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