I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
