just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
