You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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