I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
