Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Please don't give away my fajitas
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
