they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
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look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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