Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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