im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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