she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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