she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
