his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
