My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
