There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
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