Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
