Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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