I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
