Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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