I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
