I puked a lego.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
