Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
