guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
