Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
