he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
May the power of my ass compel you!!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.