you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?