if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist