wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?