Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
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It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
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Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night