so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
