No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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