You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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