so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
