You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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