Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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